What Not to Do When You Wake Up at 3AM.
We’ve all been there: eyes wide open at 3AM, mind buzzing, sleep a distant memory. What you do next can help you drift back to sleep… or sabotage the rest of your night.
Here are six things not to do when you wake up in the middle of the night, and what to try instead.
⏰ Don’t Check the Clock
Why it’s a problem:
Looking at the time immediately activates your thinking brain and adds pressure: “It’s 3:12… if it takes me 15 minutes to fall back asleep then I’ll have 3 hours and 17, no 13, no wait maybe I can snooze a bit and take that morning meeting on zoom… no oh I can’t, I’m the one bringing donuts… oh yikes now it’s 3:16, so that’s 3 hours and….” The math-ing and mental bargaining creates stress, and stress is the enemy of sleep.
Try this instead:
Keep all clocks, watches, phones, and other timegivers out of your bedroom. If you must have an alarm clock, place your clock at the opposite end of the room, facing away, and double check that it is set when you go to sleep, so you can trust it’s set.
📱 Don’t Pick Up Your Phone
Why it’s a problem:
Even a quick glance floods your eyes with blue light, which suppresses melatonin. Plus, there’s a good chance you will get sucked into content that stimulates your brain and keeps you awake.
Try this instead:
Leave your phone out of the bedroom. If you must have the phone close for emergencies or work (e.g. doctors on call), put it on low blue light mode (Night Shift on iPhone, Night Light on Android) and lowest brightness, preferably in grayscale, and set it at the opposite side of the room, facing down.
💭 Don’t Ruminate or “Problem Solve”
Why it’s a problem:
Your 3AM brain is not your wisest brain. Thoughts that feel urgent or catastrophic in the night usually get less imposing in the daylight. Trying to “figure things out” just activates your nervous system further. Also, don’t wake your partner to hash out a “discussion” at 3AM. Even the most supportive and engaged partner is going to be at their absolute worst at this time. For the same reason, don’t try to problem solve with yourself at this time.
Try this instead:
Have a mantra ready: “Now is not the time,” or “This can wait.” If you are worried you will forget an important item, quickly jot down the general thought on a bedside notepad, and remind yourself: “I’ll think about this at my best thinking time.”
🍪 Don’t Eat a Big Snack
Why it’s a problem:
Eating stimulates digestion and can muddle your circadian rhythms, making it harder to fall asleep again. Preparing a snack is also likely to expose you to bright lights in the kitchen or from the fridge, which will suppress melatonin.
Try this instead:
If true hunger is keeping you up (especially if you had a light dinner), a small protein-rich snack like a few nuts or a hard-boiled egg may help. Keep it simple, and avoid sugar or caffeine.
🍷 Don’t Reach for Alcohol or Sleep Aids
Why it’s a problem:
It’s tempting to reach for a nightcap or a sleep med, but both can interfere with the architecture of your sleep, especially slow wave sleep and REM sleep. They are also likely to leave you still groggy when the alarm goes off in a couple hours, and give you a lingering mental fogginess all day.
Try this instead:
Practice self-soothing naturally. Breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, meditation, or yoga nidra can all be effective ways to help you stop anxious thought spirals and ease yourself back to a relaxed state. All of these take practice to be effective… try doing them every night at bedtime, so you have a relaxing ritual ready-to-go.
🛌 Don’t Stay Too Long in Bed
Why it’s a problem:
Tossing and turning in bed for long stretches will train your brain to associate the bed with being awake and alert.
Try this instead:
If you’ve been awake for ~20 minutes (estimated, don’t look at a clock!), get out of the bedroom and do something calming in low light: stretch, read a book, work on a craft, meditate—then return to bed once you feel drowsy. For best results, pick out what you’re going to go before you go to bed.
🌙 Final Thoughts
Waking up at night isn’t a crisis. In fact, brief awakenings are a normal part of sleep. The goal isn’t to never wake up—it’s to learn how to return to rest. With practice, 3AM wakeups can become less of a panic moment, and more of a gentle pause on the path back to sleep.